Speaking Truth to Power (Guest Signage: Erica Johnson!)

Sometimes Management needs a hint from the cleaning crew.

I have another comment for Management: Please use proper capitalization and punctuation.

Thank you,
Bad Signage Blogger

Every Day I’m Hustling: Odd Jobs

Unfortunately, I top out at two consecutive days of multi-tasking. Anything beyond that and you’re gonna have to pay some overtime.

Also, which ivy-league employee created this gem: "Must be able to function at a high capacity under stress and a work ethic to drive outcomes."

Responsibilities will not include upholding the highest standards of grammar and sentence structure. 

This End Up

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Nothing suggests top dollar like a repurposed sign, but I'm more concerned that they needed positioning instructions.

(if you're liking the blog, hover over the like/share buttons and think about clicking them. You might be inspired. Thanks!)

Dress Appropriately

As we suffer through yet another broiling week, I want to take you back to the cooler days of springtime with a Cinco de Mayo forecast:

• The overall forecast is partly sunny, but for the foreseeable future it's cloudy.
• As of 12:58 pm, it is 57 degrees. 
• In two minutes, it will jump seven degrees to a downright mild 64.
• The day's high will be 66 degrees.

          but,

• From 3:00 - 4:00 pm, it will be 68 degrees.

Thanks, Yahoo.
(if you're liking the blog, hover over the like/share buttons and think about clicking them. You might be inspired. Thanks!)

Buy-Sexual: Guest Signage Thursday (Jessica Cornish)

For those who like some variety in the bedroom or simply can't make up their minds .

But even without the sexual element, this is still some bad signage.

It's definitely not a case of "you get what you pay for." I don't care what kind of discount you're offering, if I buy a pair of jeans, I don't want a blazer.

The store needs to offer a translation system:

Want a pair of shoes? Buy a hat.
Need socks? Buy some gloves.

Law(n) and Order: SVU (Sod Victims Unit)

"In the criminal justice system, lawn-based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious waterings are members of an elite squad known as the Sod Victims Unit. These are their stories." DUN DUN


There was no body dump or AMBER Alert on a missing earthworm* to justify the crime scene treatment. Yet this carefully tended plot of land has been under investigation since it first sprouted up this spring.


Perhaps crime scene tape is the city equivalent to old men yelling "Hey, you kids. Get off my lawn!"

I know, non-New Yorkers might not think this qualifies as a "lawn." But trust me, this is prime real estate. I'm amazed they haven't turned it into a garden.

Anyway...Caution!




*A "puce alert" seems to more accurately convey the appropriate color.

Odd Jobs: Easy as ABF

From the Ivies: A job that requires a bachelor's, but not a working knowledge of the alphabet song. 

Also necessary: Excellent interpersonal skills. Really, I mean it. Fine, I'll say it again. Excellent interpersonal skills. And the ability to communicate effectively in writing, for ironic redundancy. 

Adding to the redundancy/confusion are the additional, required minimum qualifications.

Of course, the scariest part of this ad is clause "G." (I hate that they got me to adapt their alphabet). 

My Humps! (Check it out!): Guest Signage Thursday

To the tune of "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas, of course...


What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I'ma make, make, make, make, it thump,
Make it kla-thunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my traffic calming lumps (Check it out)


You drive by way too crazy,
You do it on the daily,
Speeding fees are pricely,
But still you go 'bout twicely.
As fast as you should go so,
I'm gonna make you slow, slow,
Steven, don't be speedin'
Cause these humps will have you weavin', wide
Brother I ain't askin,
You say you wanna go fast ‘nd,
Seven-ty, BOOM collision,
I say no, but you keep livin'
So I keep on makin'
Your *ss keep on breakin'
You can keep on speedin'
I'll keep that trunk junk heaven'.


My hump (hump), my hump, my hump, my hump (hump)
You bumpin' off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump (hump)
My humps, it's got you


It's got me swervin' 
(Oh) Swervin' all your cars around me, and slowin' down for me.

It's got me swervin' 

(Oh) Swervin' all your cars around me, around me, round me.

Box Office Success

Furthering last week's investigative report on a local theater, today we address customer complaints of difficulty locating the Box Office. 

Our investigative team went undercover to ... well ... investigate. Let’s see what they found. (Apologies for the fuzzy images. Surreptitious photography is a messy business.)

Upon entering the first floor lobby, we're greeted with a straightforward directive:

In the elevator, all signs point to a united front:

We accidentally exit  on the 3rd floor and are greeted by this overly-excited sign:

What luck! There is a box office. 

But it's closed. 

We continue upward. On the 4th floor, we are again greeted by signage:

Well, we were looking for the Fantasticks, but beggars can't be choosers. 

We turn the corner:

Not another 30 ft. passes before:

We head to the bar; hearts pounding:

As promised, a left turn. What could be next:

For the first time "window" is invoked. We must be closing in:

An sure enough, we are. At last! The Box O....

Yes, it is the only place in the entire building where the sign reading "Box Office" is obscured from view.

Odd Jobs: Low Expectations

Apparently, someone is unclear on the concept of "minimum." Or "preferred." I really can't tell.

And what are "intermediate-level word processing, spreadsheet, and database applications"? I understand "intermediate...skills," but is the former in reference to Microsoft Works or Notepad? Maybe a potshot at Apple's Pages?

As expected, good writing and proofreading skills are preferred.

Still, it's a nice change of pace to see all the "intermediate" skill requirements after a long day of wading though "superior," "excellent" and other demanding job descriptions.

The Negative Valuation of Water (Thoughtless Food Series)

An establishment I frequent recently made the jump from "beer and wine only" to hard liquor. And it appears that they partook in said hard liquor when writing up the menu.


Company policy is to measure out at least one shot per drink, so the $11 price tag on shots compared to the $10 "Scotch & Water" can mean only one thing: water has a negative valuation.


Taking this idea to its logical conclusion, I now have every faucet in my apartment running full tilt, 24/7. I'll be able to cover rent in no time.

Odd Jobs: Burying the Lede

I'm all for creative job descriptions, but when you're including the world's fourth most stressful job as just a part of the position, I want that information up front. On the other hand, it definitely makes the "driver" aspect of the job seem easy as pie.

Just for the record, I don't think experience with Google docs is going to prepare me for the heart-health threatening whirlwind of tasks this job is sure to entail.

Odd Jobs: Attention to Detail!

This week we kickoff a new Sunday feature: 

“Odd Jobs” -- a series of ironic, intriguing, and downright strange postings I’ve come across in my search for employment (scroll down for my editorializing).

Today’s offering, from Juilliard, is a simple spelling mistake, which could easily be forgiven if it were not for the required qualification: “Detailed Oriented.” 

I had half a mind to Photoshop the posting and send in an edited version as my application.

Oh well, at least it shows that they’re aware of their deficiencies. It takes strength to so openly admit one’s flaws. 

Guest Signage Sunday! "It Runs in the Family"

In keeping with this week's Chinese takeout theme, comes an offering from the inspiration for my attention to odd signs, my mom.

Two possible explanations for the patheticism* of her local Chinese takeout's bags come to mind:

1. They want to stress that they only offer a certain level of customer service:

"We're not angry at you for shopping here. We might even have somewhat enjoyed our interaction. But we can't claim to reach Walmart-esque, Prozac-induced excitement about your patronage or the rest of your day.


Have a great one, if you like. Or a rotten one, it that better fits your mood. It's really all the same to us."


2. Or as my always optimistic mother opined"

"There's obviously an effort being made, but apparently it would cost too much to get the full smile."

Thanks for reading and have a _________ day.



*Coined, Nicholas Fernandez, 2001.

Guest Signage Sunday: Bathroom Humor #3 (Size Matters)

Welcome to another Guest Signage Sunday. 


Today we have a third installment in the bathroom humor series, courtesy of Kyle Heckman. 


True, this isn't really a grammatical failure (although I love the double use of "aim"), but it just might be the most successful of our signs since it draws on one of the greatest forces of nature: the bruised male ego.

Bathroom Humor (#2)

I have to admit, I was glad to have instructions, since I have clearly been going about this in the wrong order all along. Hopefully, by posting this I can help some other folks who "Paper first and the The Flush."

Special Guest Post! "Mobile Entertainment" by Charles Gilbert

Today we are fortunate enough to have a guest post, sent in by my good friend Charles Gilbert.

This sign earns its place in the blog for raising several questions.

1. Has Apple finally completed world domination to the point that they get product placement in building rule signage?

2. What exactly is a "removable radio"?

3. And the even more troubling question: What exactly is an "immovable radio"?

4. Do these people believe the iPod is a radio? Or are the two unrelated, like "we are not responsible for lost items and the sinking of the Titanic"?

5. Finally, I wish I had been the one to visit this place; just look at all those signs! Probably some other good material. Maybe it's a sign display shop. Or a museum of signage. In any case, I think I'd get along well with these people.

Thank you Charles for the wonderful addition!

Bathroom Humor

Sure, there's the bad grammar, the failed punctuation, and the sad toilet, but honestly, my favorite part is the gas mask. Those of you who make this necessary know who you are.

And remember: Although confusing, the name "toilet paper" should never be mistaken to mean that it is paper that you put in a toilet. Paper that you use near a toilet? Maybe. But in it? No!

This Is Not A Test . . .

. . . Well actually, I guess it is. Though it appears to be a pretty elaborate test. Not to mention, an odd sign to come home to.

Buy American

In a stirring show of devotion to the American economy, NYU shut off hot water for almost two weeks rather than use dirty, foreign water made by underpaid and overworked clouds. Hats off to such a respectable establishment. I personally would have preferred replacing all of the hot water with Evian - of Fuji, if we're really desperate - but I appreciate the sentiment.