Targeted Marketing

I assume it's spicy.

What's in a Name? (Guest Post: Charles Gilbert and Erica Johnson!)

You may be more familiar with the marketing name, Canola Oil. 

Now I know what you're thinking, but the name change was not due to feminist fryers. Instead, the real problem was that the original rapeseed oil was so toxic that the FDA banned it for human consumption in 1956.

And rumors that a few Southern Senators from a certain political party (which will go unnamed) have reintroduced it in hopes of combating unwanted sexual advances are completely false. I hope...

Happy Holidays from the US Post Office (BSB: Christmas Edition)

During the stressful holiday season, leave it to the USPS to up the anxiety level by attacking our precious care packages.

I assume the puncture's placement is supposed to be ironic.

Bonus BSB Christmas Eve Edition

Copyright stamps on your gifts: one reason you should never buy wrapping paper from the dollar store.

Incentives!

With that bonus, who needs an hourly wage; I'm in!

Maybe? (Guest Post: Avalon Hoek Spaans!)

As a greater man than I once said, "The question is rarely asked: Is our children learning?"

Product Placement

And just to be clear, there's no hand sanitizer in the immediate area either. 

Perks of the Job!

And all along I've thought they did it for the high pay and great working conditions. Now I understand.

A Message for Wesley Snipes...

Although over two decades late, apparently someone didn't feel one of our favorite vampire slayers was getting enough action.

Cookin' with Grass!

From the same people who gave us repetitive wontons and food finding challenges comes "plant fried rice" and strong, if ambiguously worded, ordering instructions.  

Mixed Signals

I guess this explains why people jog in place at street corners.

"He-Man" (Guest Posting: Charles Gilbert and Erica Johnson!)

It's nice and all, but $6.99 seems a bit steep. It sure would be a "Christmas to Remember" though.  

Dad (to mom): Remember that time your son got me that me that random faded tee-shirt ornament?"

Mom: He's your son too!

Dad: Not after that. A tee-shirt ornament? I mean, really. There had to have been a better alternative. Like a lump of coal or a "World's Best Dad" mug.

The Place to Be!

Talk about a tourist trap. We could always rename Times Square "Diabetes Central."

Helping Nat Out (Odd Jobs)

This is a bit picky on my part, but shouldn't that be "Assist Nat, Director of Collective Development"?

Hanging Around (Guest Signage: Erica and Steivan Johnson!)

A gruesome image, courtesy of WYEP, Pittsburgh. The song "Strange Fruit" comes to mind.

Either/Or

Includes Typos: Odd Jobs

Skip down to the underlined material:

I love the complete abandonment of formal grammar by the second sentence. Attention to detail and excellent written communications skills? Kettle, meet pot.

Amature Hour at BSB (Guest Signage: Avalon Hoek Spaans!)

Using this reasoning, we must assume this person has given up.

Heeling Is Dangerous!

Aside from errant gunfire, my biggest hiking fear is encountering a dog that rolls over on command.

What's Your Worth? (Odd Jobs Series)

I just imagine someone with a thick Brooklyn accent shrugging and saying: "Whaddaya think? $50,600? $56,100? Hey, we're flexible. But this ain't Wall Street. $56,200? Fuhgeddaboudit"

Always Remember (Guest Posting: Meryl Zimmerman!)

This bit of brilliance is brought to you by the US Postal System, a component of the same government responsible for Congressional Act 52 Stat. 351; 5 U.S. Code, Sec. 87a: The designation of Veterans' Day.

Apparently, they don't have access to google, a calendar, or spellcheck.

Boy-Cot Bad Spelling

This "Call to Action" has been gaining momentum in the aftermath of the election, and truthfully it's a protest I can endorse. Just as long as I'm still free to eat Papa John's pizza should the urge arise. 

And it's drawbridge people. One word. Get it together. 

Bard Has More Character than Twitter: Odd Jobs Series

In contrast to last week's "no first name needed" listing, Bard offers a striking alternative: 30,000 characters of first name goodness. Your move, Twitter. 

While We Wait for Florida to Vote (Guest Signage: Ian Hoek Spaans!)

A reminder to extra-hungry Gainesville, FL Taco Bell patrons: Don't eat the counter. Or the sign. Or something. 

No wonder these people take twice as long as the rest of the country to vote. BTW Florida: the election's over.

Don't Block the Box

Back into investigative reporting mode, our team uncovered a difficult to spot bit of signage:

We dug deeper to uncover this:

We tried checking underneath the shelf:

Unsatisfied, we tossed the bottles aside.

Aha! It all made sense. But the clear message was being rudely ignored by a pile of sweaters. 

Unable to stand by idly in the face of injustice, our reporter asked an employee of the unnamed-for-legal-reasons establishment: "Why?" "Why would anyone treat a member of the electorate, or at least electricate, with such disdain?" 

The answer was simple: "The outlet doesn't work."

Hi, My Name Is: Odd Jobs

First off, no employment application system should be named "EasyChair." 

Secondly, let's chill on the exclamation marks. I'm glad my user name is available, but what's with the "Hello!"? A bit much, if you ask me. 

Finally, I understand different cultures have different naming systems, but I think we can all figure out how to divide our names without a help article.   

Unauthorized! (Guest Signage: Erica Johnson!)

Another gem from Erica, who has more trouble paying for things than anyone deserves.

Rock the Bells

I'm so tempted to lead a bell choir into this office and wreak havoc.

Basic Requirements

Are you qualified?

Location, Location, Location

So close, yet so far...

We're Gonna Need a Bigger Font

Today's offering starts off innocently enough–a clear directive with adequate illustration:

 But one must consider context:

(To the right is an equally wide swath of blank wall, not included because wall pics are boring.) 

When Only the Best Will (Kinda) Do: Inside the SIAS

Not all, mind you, but some.

The End Is Nigh (Guest Signage: Charles Gilbert!)

One of my favorite contributors spotted this lovely juxtaposition of healthcare and horror at his local pharmacy. Just what you want to see while filling your Lipitor prescription. Also, I get the impression "Your Time" was Friday, October 12. Please accept my condolences.