Time Warp: Odd Jobs

There's so much goodness here that I don't know where to start.

Keep in mind that "All information that applicants may need is available at this [oddly hyphenated] web-site." (Editor's note: Even the AP accepted "website" in 2010.)

Time Warp - a poem-ish thing by the Bad Signage Blogger

This page went live in September 2012,
For a position for the 2013-2014 school year,
Yet the "themes" are for 2012-2013,
To be determined in Fall 2012.
The application is due January 10, 2013.
You don't need a Ph.D. by then, 
But you must have one by June 2012.
Finalists get ready,
You will be interviewed in February and March 2012.
I hope it went well.

Clearly, Columbia was right to explain that the current year is 2012, demonstrating why Wesleyan has failed to join the Ivies.

Then there's the application process:

It comes as no surprise that "There is no official application form." But what do they mean by "Applications faxed or emailed will not be ac"? Is that slang for "actually considered"?

Of course, clicking the "Online Application" link leads to this:

Animalism: The New Bigotry (Guest Signage: Jessica Cornish!)

This catchy slogan coats the walls of Jessica's school, reinforcing a profound message: Do not stand by idly when trouble strikes, as we all know zebras do, but take difficulties and turn them into pearls.

One problem: The slogan comes from a one-off presentation over a year ago, and no one who visits the school has any idea what it's about.

Besides, the message is kind of a mess:

As Jessica paraphrases, "Don't run from your troubles, cover them in mucus."

Full Disclosure: Thoughtless Food Series

 

Continuing our infectious liquids series, it's the most off-putting combo since gin and tonsillitis. At least Steve's C-Town is upfront about it.

Thanks for the Update: Odd Jobs

From the Ivies, a moment of insight.
I also think the exclamation point suggests a tad too much glee over the successful delivery of an email.
It is, as they've already noted, 2012...

Speaking Truth to Power (Guest Signage: Erica Johnson!)

Sometimes Management needs a hint from the cleaning crew.

I have another comment for Management: Please use proper capitalization and punctuation.

Thank you,
Bad Signage Blogger

Separate but Equal

I guess "Admission $12" was too obvious.

I'm Not Looking for Porn. I Swear: Odd Jobs

Judging from the punctuation, I would suggest hiring an editor first.

Eat Me! (Guest Signage: Tamika Joy!)

And I thought mayonnaise of fries was gross. Taste the difference a comma makes at the Riviera Cafe, NYC.

Sexual Healing

STD Liquors: Don't say we never gave you anything.

For the Birds: Odd Jobs

Because all ivy-league research should be tweet-able.

Trapped at Home? No Friends? This Is for You! (Guest Signage: Charles Gilbert!)

Are you a recluse?
Do you want to change your ways and get paid in the process?
If so, Six Flags Great Adventure is the place for you!

Now I don't know if you can really call wages and pay "perks" or "benefits." But I'm just glad Six Flags is owning up to the fact that their energy source is electricity. If only all companies were so straightforward; We could finally have an honest national debate on solar energy and clean coal.

Captain Obvious

 This Park Avenue office brilliantly straddles the line between excellent and horrid signage.

As they say, Keep It Simple, Stupid.

Every Day I’m Hustling: Odd Jobs

Unfortunately, I top out at two consecutive days of multi-tasking. Anything beyond that and you’re gonna have to pay some overtime.

Also, which ivy-league employee created this gem: "Must be able to function at a high capacity under stress and a work ethic to drive outcomes."

Responsibilities will not include upholding the highest standards of grammar and sentence structure.